Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some
people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than
letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise
from the ashes. Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make
someone resilient, among them a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to
regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful
feedback. Even after a misfortune, blessed with such an outlook, resilient people
are able to change course and soldier on.
Resilience is something
that most people need to make it through the rougher times of life. Everyone
will experiences difficulties in life, and some people will even experience traumatic events that
create an upheaval in their lives.
Resilience is the process
by which people adapt to changes or crises, like death, tragedy, the loss of a
job, or financial problems.
Resilience is not a
character trait - it can be learned
by anyone, but learning it does require time and effort.
Several factors involved
in resilience include having a loving support system, the ability to make plans
and follow through with them, communication and problem-solving skills, having
a positive view of yourself and your abilities, and the capability to manage
your feelings and impulses.
Building resilience is a
different process for everyone, and what works for one person may not work for
another. Each person should determine what works for them and do that.
Building
resilience can be a tough process. Here are a few tips for strengthening your
resilience to difficult times in life:
- Maintain
good relationships with your family and friends, and accept their help in times
of stress. Also, getting
involved in groups or associations may help give you social support when you
need it.
- Try to look
at the big picture of life, and avoid viewing difficult times as
insurmountable. Take small steps toward your goals and take one day at
a time.
- Accept that
change is a part of life and come to terms with circumstances that you cannot
change.
- Keep
working toward your goals every day, and ask yourself "What can I do today
to move in the direction I need to go?"
- Keep a
positive view of yourself and your ability to solve problems.
- Maintain a positive view of life and visualize what you want.
- Notice how
you have changed after a tragedy or crisis. Many people report having more
confidence in themselves after a crisis and some even have a deeper
appreciation for life. Get what you can out of these tough times.
- Take care
of yourself! Get enough food, sleep, and exercise to
keep you healthy. This is especially important during times of stress.
- Lastly,
seek professional help if you feel that the situation is too hard for you to
handle on your own. A counselor or psychologist, can help you develop a
strategy for moving forward in your life.
The benefits
of failure
People who
fail repeatedly develop persistence in the face of difficulties.
Only people
with extensive histories of failure could survive the difficulties that these
individuals endured.
Such dogged
persistence is not a universal trait, of course.
With success,
people keep on doing the same thing. When they fail, they are forced to adapt
and change. That is not just a human characteristic but constitutes a basic
feature of how our brain works.
When one
combines emotionalism with originality, that is fairly close to what most
people think of as artistic creativity. Artists are
not necessarily frustrated people but tend to be dissatisfied with what they
have accomplished previously and try to do something better or something new.
The magical
power of failure is not restricted to the arts, or to political leadership. It applies to
all fields of human endeavor.
Never
underestimate the magical properties of failure. It rewires the brain and gets
the creative juices flowing.
So you just
got fired? Don't wallow in misery. You may be the new CEO of the next biggest
thing.
In every part
of life—romance, work, family—stuff happens. And these disappointments can
indeed set you back, make you feel anxious and fearful. In moving through
the recovery process, you may likely feel a range of emotions including anger, anxiety, confusion,
low self-esteem and
self-doubt. These represent stages of response and cannot be rushed. But over
time you will begin to feel acceptance and hopefulness. When you let go of the
past, you will experience increased self-esteem and renewed optimism.
But how do
you get there? Don't focus on what you lost or what didn't work.
You have to
rewrite your script and see yourself differently—such as seeing yourself with
another person, or at another job.
Easier said
than done.
Some people
flounder in frustration and blame after a disappointment. Worse, some people
fall into deep depression.
But then again others bounce back quickly and with energy. While you can argue
that these people may well be born more resilient, resilience can
certainly be learned. Practice and experience help.
Most
successful people have had their hard knocks, but they recover and move on.
They, in fact, see disappointment as a prospect for something new. Big losses
provide the biggest opportunities for change, they make a person more open to
trying new things.
Here are a few tips to
learn how you can become more resilient and overcome life's big
disappointments:
Accept the setback. Know that setbacks happen to everyone. And realize that you may never
understand what happened.
Face your fears. It's normal to feel insecure, but don't cower and avoid uncertainty.
Be patient. Reflect and think about what you plan to do; but don't rush, it will only
aggravate the process.
Go beyond your comfort
zone. Take risks. Go after that job you think you can't do,
doing so will build self-esteem and resilience.
Find your hero. Think about people who have survived adversity, use them as your role
models.
Know what you want. If you have goals, it's easier to make
plans and move forward.
Be a problem-solver. Don't be the victim, instead learn to behave proactively.
One step at a time. To move forward, the enormity of the task (such as finding a new job
after a lay-off) may seem insurmountable. Focus on each step you must take, not
the entire undertaking.
Seek support. Talk to friends, family or a therapist.
Be kind to yourself. Disappointments are a source of stress, so exercise, eat
right and get rest.
